Last night I finally dreamt in your language. Now I understand the symbology you talked about; I have a definition in my own words.
I’m trying not to be scared and I don’t know if holding back is for the better or if sensibility is just my scapegoat for closing myself off.
I only wanted you to trust in love but through you, I’ve seen that maybe I’m the one who isn’t trusting enough. It’s not the pain or shame that I’m worried about so much; it’s more that I’m scared of missing an opportunity for enlightenment. For either of us.
For all of my past impatience at others’ needs to feel like they were actively ‘engineering’ their lives, I could definitely learn to lose the facade of control a lot more.
I need to trust in you. And in that, I need to trust in myself - to go against gut instincts, to self-sabotage, to throw myself to the wind and find what remains. I’m almost ready to open the door to you :)